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13 Simon Amstell Quotes

Simon Amstell's collection is slyly funny, perfect for anyone who enjoys sharp takes on media and belief.

Simon Amstell quotes

  1. You just threw cheese at Sam & Mark. Don't you think they've suffered enough?!

    #1

  2. Come on, people, it's fucking Christmas!

    #2

  3. From all of us here, whichever religion you are, remember, only one can be right, so...let's have a war! Happy Christmas!

    #3

  4. Penny Smith: Spitting... it would never happen on GMTV. Simon Amstell: Nothing happens on GMTV.

    #4

  5. Jordan's third favourite tit and second favourite twat - it's Peter Andre!

    #5

  6. Simon Amstell: So Penny, you used to do a fashion column for the Daily Mail, didn't you? Penny Smith: Yes I've done many strange things in my time. Simon Amstell: So what does one wear to a lynching?

    #6

  7. Donny Tourette: This is what I think of you. (fondles crotch) Simon Amstell: Really? You think me a, a small penis? Well I never.

    #7

  8. (about Preston walking out) If people start turning their backs on comedy, and walking off panel shows, then the terrorists have won.

    #8

  9. I like everything. You know everything? I like it. You know all books? I like them all.

    #9

  10. (about Bonnie Tyler being slightly tipsy on Nevermind the Buzzcocks) 'Shall we pump her stomach? I don't know what to do!'

    #10

  11. If you have some problem in your life and you need to deal with it then use religion it's fine. I use Google.

    #11

  12. 'Love music. Love racism.'

    #12

  13. Hello, 50 Cent here. People say my music is gratuitously violent and misogynistic - but what they don't realise is that I'm just talking about where I'm from. And where I'm from, everybody's a vile millionaire rapper and all woman are rubbish sluts.

    #13