- Guess what!?! I got a fever!....And the only prescription is more cowbell.
- I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.
- I pranked him! To death with a tire iron! Whammy! Blammy wowie zowie!
- If she tries to blackmail me, I'll throw her out a higher window.
- You're not a tease, are you? 'Cause I'll cut your face.
- So he hid [the watch] in the one place he knew he could hide something-his ass.
- :You got me in a vendetta kinda mood. You tell the angels in heaven you've never seen an evil so singularly personified as you did in the face of the man who killed you.
- You're talkin' to my guy all wrong. It's the wrong tone. You do it again, I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.
- What do you call a room full of lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
- Did you see my painting? I got it from Target
- I'm the malevolent WASP.